Heist Society

Heist Society by Ally Carter
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

i'm so glad i read this. i crave for thrillers like these. reading it was like savoring an expertly made dish in which no spice, no ingredient was either too much or slightly lacking but in perfect measure for a great taste. even though i'm going through crappy days, this one gave me enough distraction from the real world to survive.


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General update

i feel bad every time i go over a month without updating the blog. October; what a month is was! not at all what i expected (and NOT in a good way). there were largely moments of moroseness, reflections, and  occasional panic attacks thrown in to make my life more miserable than it usually is.
so, these are the updates (i've tried to think of as many happy ones as possible).

• I finally finished reading 'Atlas Shrugged'. Boy, that John Galt speech was long! The characters, the system, and the world portrayed in the seems to resemble the real world so closely that it's almost depressing.
• I read 'Metroland' by Julian Barnes in three days! it was a smooth read. A frank, amusing, philosophical and entertaining narrative that helped lighten my spirits. i'm glad books like this exist to make me feel better. 

AAL IZ WELL

image source: eastwestdaily.com

Sometimes we worry too much and unnecessarily. Little bit of worrying is okay and natural, even helpful. It pushes us into action, to do something and take charge of the situation. The problem comes when you start worrying about things you can do nothing about. What i found out while i was dealing with my anxiety issues is that anxiety is nothing but an extreme form of dwelling too much on the future and not living the present moment. We need to understand that we cannot take care of everything beforehand. We can shape only some things in future and some things are out of our control, maybe just bound to happen and we have to take it as it comes. Planning is a great thing but EVERYTHING cannot be planned. Surprising, unsuspecting bitter-sweet moments is what life is all about.
While we deal with our everyday struggle and stress, it doesn't hurt at all to appreciate and enjoy small things in life. Like bright and cool early mornings, dew on leaves, washed out scene after a rain, smell of popcorn before a movie, a favourite shade of nail polish, light conversations with friends, a good hearty meal. Happiness truly lives in moments and we need to catch these moments before they pass if we want to be happy. Carpe diem: seize the day! Because essentially we are SUPPOSED to be happy.    
God has put life into us, we can feel, we can marvel at the miracle that is life, at what is out there to see. Who knows what we're missing out when we're cobbled up in our cubbyholes crying about petty issues?
Good things happen and sometimes bad things happen too. But they happen to those who have the nerve to go out there and try stuff. LIFE happens to those who don't keep hiding in their room but face their fears.

Ultimately you've got to go out there and live or die.

Are you ready to embrace life?

i know i am :)

september

THANK GOD FOR THAT

Anxiety aka Scared of being Scared

Relax.Nothing major. But these days i am sort of getting bouts of nervousness now and then for no apparent reason. It has scared me off from stepping out of home or accepting invitations for dinner or take some harmless medication because I'm too paranoid. I become short of breath in the middle of a conversation and my heart starts racing. I'm afraid of getting these symptoms which in turn makes me more anxious when i feel them which in turn makes me more anxious. It's a vicious cycle.
At one point (actually a few days ago) i thought only a psychiatrist can help me now (a consideration my parents refused to take seriously, like, "What rubbish! you are perfectly fine. Just meditate some minutes and concentrate on your studies!") But thank God! i don't feel the need to see a shrink now (thanks to this guy) my scary symptoms have subsided somewhat. But i still get really nervous when i go out :-/  It takes times like these to realise how underrated and taken-for-granted normal life is.

In the dark of night when deep dark thoughts invade the mind at its weakest .. a little voice inside inside me says that maybe i'm going insane. 
Relax. It's what i keep telling/reminding myself. Relax.

Blah

There was a seminar organised by TCS a while ago in my college. I had jotted down a few things in my notebook and forgotten all about it apparently. But i was going through the notes looking for something else when i stumbled upon this stuff (along with some mysterious looking doodles). I remember nothing of what happened that morning and this is all i have left of that presentation. 

# Get out of comfort zone

# Don't stop learning

# Keep stress at bay

# PANIC: Defy it. Defeat it.

# Take risks. 

# Filter out what you don't like. 

Bye July

i didn't realise until now that this was the last day of july. This month went by so fast. I'd been more distressed than usual this month. This month brought moments of extreme exasperation, tiredness and fuck-this-shit attitude in me. But i also had an amazing time on some rare days. I don't know.. it's been a roller coaster ride for my mood scales.
During the summer i was waiting restlessly for rains to come. i thought they'd bring freshness and breezy pitter patter that sounds almost like music. They did, except it sound really mournful. The absence of sun in the sky certainly didn't raise my spirits. The grey sky seems gloomy. I'm so ready for autumn now.

    

But today had been good. All those distressing thoughts kept at bay. In the morning i had mustered every ounce of self reproach to make me go outside and carry on my business with the world. It was hard because i just didn't want to leave my room at all, i was in such a crappy mood. But then i met up with a friend who engaged me in a conversation so entertaining that an hour passed by smoothly without me having any negative thought. From there on i was in a good mood all day :) I know, some friends are just so cool.

I just hope that August goes by blissfully and hopefully without any mood swings. 

image source: orangeandkalamansi.tumblr.com