Guilt and stuff

Endings. There's a thing or two about endings that i'd like to share. Endings are not always about closure. Things are left unsaid and people who meant a lot are left without goodbyes. Things you owed people but never gave, and vice a versa. Like a thread unexpectedly broken.
Even though you'd known all along about this, even though it was meant to happen, even though you'd had moments wishing for this moment. it's finally here and its leaving your throat constricted, melancholy and with a sense of loss. It's the parting where we wished for things to have gone differently. The feeling when you finish a book and long to re-write the whole thing.
Missing all those moments that could have been but didn't happen.
When something ends, it's also paving the way for a new beginning. A blank future staring right ahead, like a blank diary you hold in your hands realizing that you'll have to live what's already written in invisible ink; decided by someone else. Some blanks you fill in, some plot twists you're gonna have to work around.
 But why look ahead until you absolutely have to? Why not take pain and pleasure cocktail in looking at the past that is rapidly dissolving around?
why not be drunk in past?

A Fresh Start

confession: i am not very good at completing goals. But that doesn't keep me from setting them anyway.

my daily goals: to get myself into a structured routine of getting up on time, eating healthy, spend a scheduled amount of time on computer and going to bed on time.
my monthly goals: to  read a certain number of books and catch up on my studies.
my yearly goals: that is kinda secret ;)

so, despite the fact that i didn't complete most of the goals set by me, i'm willing to make fresh starts (what else is new year's eve for!). maybe, sometimes i ask too much of myself. but the catch is that i get to outdo myself everytime :)