Bye July

i didn't realise until now that this was the last day of july. This month went by so fast. I'd been more distressed than usual this month. This month brought moments of extreme exasperation, tiredness and fuck-this-shit attitude in me. But i also had an amazing time on some rare days. I don't know.. it's been a roller coaster ride for my mood scales.
During the summer i was waiting restlessly for rains to come. i thought they'd bring freshness and breezy pitter patter that sounds almost like music. They did, except it sound really mournful. The absence of sun in the sky certainly didn't raise my spirits. The grey sky seems gloomy. I'm so ready for autumn now.

    

But today had been good. All those distressing thoughts kept at bay. In the morning i had mustered every ounce of self reproach to make me go outside and carry on my business with the world. It was hard because i just didn't want to leave my room at all, i was in such a crappy mood. But then i met up with a friend who engaged me in a conversation so entertaining that an hour passed by smoothly without me having any negative thought. From there on i was in a good mood all day :) I know, some friends are just so cool.

I just hope that August goes by blissfully and hopefully without any mood swings. 

image source: orangeandkalamansi.tumblr.com

IN AND OUT

what and why? two most dominating words weighing down my mind at moments of uncertainity.Shit like this always happens and when it does i keep coming back to these questions.

i've had a lot of phases. Well, basically only 2 phases most of the time. Phase 1: all i wanted to do was to lie in my room wishing the world beyond that door didn't exist or rather i didn't. coexistence seemed intriguing, paradoxical, and just a bit too much. Ever felt like you'd explode? yeah, well been there.Phase 2: Sort of whenever i recover from phase 1; the period of numbness when the wounds aren't as raw and i feel like i can act cool and okay with everything and i start not to sweat things too much, have a ripping time whenever i meet someone. but inevitably it all comes back. i start seeing the ghost of reasons i had chosen, believed to ignore this world. the scab gets rubbed and reels again.

An that is the story of how my life is pretty much trapped between these two shitty phases. always in out of two dark worlds... its like nothing good ever happens.
can things ever be better than this?

image from: worldofweirdthings.com