Commitment

Today, my parents celebrate their 36th marriage anniversary.

I reminded them yesterday, they are the kinds to forget an anniversary. They smiled for sometime and then went back to their work. Milestones maybe, don't mean much to them.

The key to being together for so many years is that they take each day as it comes. My father is right now completely on bed and my mother has to take care of his basic chores. It wouldn't have been possible if not for my mum.

They've held out for so long, hand in hand, during ups and downs, it is amazing. And of course, if you'll ask them its only normal.

36 years, a couple must have seen everything in this span of time. They've bought up three kids; seen them through their education and employed, seen the marriage of one, birth of a grandson, numerous challenges of life in between. God bless them both.

25

No, this isn't an appreciation post for Adele's new album (which it totally deserves, i love that ish but that stuff is for some other time).

This is for when you turn 25 and look back to what your life has been, what changed you and made you.....

I'm not a fan of looking back at life. it gets you reminiscing, pining for the old times. In Dumbledore's words

Nostalgia is a rich emotion but a useless one when life has other pressing needs.

But 25 years being considered an important milestone, you gotta look back objectively in order to learn from your mistakes. That time is almost over where you had the liberty to make as mistakes you wanted to, take as many risks as you wanted to. in other words, at this point you feel like:

AAL IZ WELL

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Sometimes we worry too much and unnecessarily. Little bit of worrying is okay and natural, even helpful. It pushes us into action, to do something and take charge of the situation. The problem comes when you start worrying about things you can do nothing about. What i found out while i was dealing with my anxiety issues is that anxiety is nothing but an extreme form of dwelling too much on the future and not living the present moment. We need to understand that we cannot take care of everything beforehand. We can shape only some things in future and some things are out of our control, maybe just bound to happen and we have to take it as it comes. Planning is a great thing but EVERYTHING cannot be planned. Surprising, unsuspecting bitter-sweet moments is what life is all about.
While we deal with our everyday struggle and stress, it doesn't hurt at all to appreciate and enjoy small things in life. Like bright and cool early mornings, dew on leaves, washed out scene after a rain, smell of popcorn before a movie, a favourite shade of nail polish, light conversations with friends, a good hearty meal. Happiness truly lives in moments and we need to catch these moments before they pass if we want to be happy. Carpe diem: seize the day! Because essentially we are SUPPOSED to be happy.    
God has put life into us, we can feel, we can marvel at the miracle that is life, at what is out there to see. Who knows what we're missing out when we're cobbled up in our cubbyholes crying about petty issues?
Good things happen and sometimes bad things happen too. But they happen to those who have the nerve to go out there and try stuff. LIFE happens to those who don't keep hiding in their room but face their fears.

Ultimately you've got to go out there and live or die.

Are you ready to embrace life?

i know i am :)

Bye July

i didn't realise until now that this was the last day of july. This month went by so fast. I'd been more distressed than usual this month. This month brought moments of extreme exasperation, tiredness and fuck-this-shit attitude in me. But i also had an amazing time on some rare days. I don't know.. it's been a roller coaster ride for my mood scales.
During the summer i was waiting restlessly for rains to come. i thought they'd bring freshness and breezy pitter patter that sounds almost like music. They did, except it sound really mournful. The absence of sun in the sky certainly didn't raise my spirits. The grey sky seems gloomy. I'm so ready for autumn now.

    

But today had been good. All those distressing thoughts kept at bay. In the morning i had mustered every ounce of self reproach to make me go outside and carry on my business with the world. It was hard because i just didn't want to leave my room at all, i was in such a crappy mood. But then i met up with a friend who engaged me in a conversation so entertaining that an hour passed by smoothly without me having any negative thought. From there on i was in a good mood all day :) I know, some friends are just so cool.

I just hope that August goes by blissfully and hopefully without any mood swings. 

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in the middle of the night

the sleep doesn't always come as silently and softly as it should.
some nights the brain just refuses to relax.
it just decides to play over the bad memories and throws in scenarios of fresh fears...
wondering, storming, just making a mess very hard to solve. what if ... what if.... the wrongs.. the guilt... what if everything in the life from here will keep getting on worse? what if i'm lost forever?
it's like a gasp never leaving the body but its curb is building a lethal pressure inside. the expression that could define these feelings would be like a lifesaver 'cause the mind is exploding. the unease, the squirm, what are they doing to me? where would it end.. .. if it would?

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