Guilt and stuff

Endings. There's a thing or two about endings that i'd like to share. Endings are not always about closure. Things are left unsaid and people who meant a lot are left without goodbyes. Things you owed people but never gave, and vice a versa. Like a thread unexpectedly broken.
Even though you'd known all along about this, even though it was meant to happen, even though you'd had moments wishing for this moment. it's finally here and its leaving your throat constricted, melancholy and with a sense of loss. It's the parting where we wished for things to have gone differently. The feeling when you finish a book and long to re-write the whole thing.
Missing all those moments that could have been but didn't happen.
When something ends, it's also paving the way for a new beginning. A blank future staring right ahead, like a blank diary you hold in your hands realizing that you'll have to live what's already written in invisible ink; decided by someone else. Some blanks you fill in, some plot twists you're gonna have to work around.
 But why look ahead until you absolutely have to? Why not take pain and pleasure cocktail in looking at the past that is rapidly dissolving around?
why not be drunk in past?

The smell of childhood

When i was little and when we used to live in a different house, we had this small garden in front where there used to be a guava tree, a cotton plant, a tulsi plant (Holy Basil), and roses: white and pink. I was about the same size as those rose bushes, so whenever i ran over to the garden i was wrapped up in that sweet fragrance of the roses. The smell of rose still makes me nostalgic. Whenever my head is heavy or i'm over-thinking stuff (most of the time which results in stress) i go out, bring my nose to a blooming rose* (in my current house we have magenta roses in our garden) and inhale a deep breath. As the magical odor fills my senses, i am able to revisit those moments of my childhood when i used to run into the old garden. That's why the roses smell of childhood to me.

*i hate how that rhymes. 

Monsoon moments

image source: www.sodahead.com 

The smell of earth after its just rained, patter of raindrops on the window, how the sky looks, delightful, fresh and clean after showers, things reflected in puddles of water on the road, sound of 'SPLASH' whenever a car goes by, garden plants - lush green and thriving because of nourishment of rainwater, beads of water glistening and sparkling on its leaves.......
And having steamy cup of tea with spicy, crunchy 'pakoras' while its raining cats and dogs outside or having coffee while immersed in a romantic novel beside the window with raindrops trickling on the glass pane.
i just LOVE this season!!

what are your favorite moments or memories of monsoon?

The dissolving Resolve

June might be a month when normally a common Indian expects the monsoon to come and soothe their sun baked lives with its showers, but for me (and other unfortunate students of RGPV) june yells: EXAM TIME!!!

So, with exams on my head, i resolved to keep myself at bay from internet, television, novels, ipod, or any other object or activity that seems interesting to me, and keep my focus on studies.  For a record, the resolution lasted 2 days; it took me two days of my self imposed confinement with the books to break away.

 I didn't want to! No. Seriously, this time i want to enter the exam hall 'in preparation'( for a change ha!). But, (yes there's a but, as there is always a 'but') 15 minutes of studying seem like 15 hours of boredom! and  whenever i steal a look at my ipod (not deliberately! my eyes just wander that way out of habit :/), i feel like its calling me, begging me silently to come and listen songs from it. And that favorite novel that used to be in hands day and night, it looks so forlorn and lonely on the shelf, its sad because i abandoned it, it misses me :'(
 Even that stupid game on my phone seems to be mocking me, calling my attention. Slowly, i'm losing myself in their conspiracies to deviate me from my books. My resolve is dissolving.........

but hopefully i would overcome and this is what i'd do the whole month :STUDY

Six feet under screams

what does one do when one is in constant conflict with oneself, one's own existence?
have one's mind ailing and soul weeping? have this dying current of consciousness, with its heated blistered ebb and last shreds of frustration oozing away like smoke, leaving behind a residue of meaningless life?
these are the mere ramblings of a mind deeply plagued by unhappiness.

Sunshine

one of those days when you could do with mellow, hopeful, warm, tingling-on-your-skin sunshine after those days full of dark, cold and foreboding air, when you've exhausted yourself over things and just feel like a soulless body. you're desperately looking for something to grab as a last straw, however slim the chances and however tough the road, you just pin all your remaining hopes to it and wait; bid your time with anticipation.

oh well...

• today, i woke up to a really uneasy state. 
• whole morning i spent vomiting and feeling wretched and tired and everything bad that comes with an illness.
•  the doctor gave me several pills and an injection to make me feel better. According to him its acute gastroenteritis.   
• the only good thing that happened since morning is that 
• the doctor has advised me to take lots of custard, ice cream and chilled milk in my diet.
• bless him

these photos did a good job to cheer me up and to select flavors of ice cream i'd like to have

Dream, Believe and Hope, 2011 will be great

here's a large photo collection that i put together with the help of images i stole from internet (:p)

rose on water...

rose on water... beautiful and delicate ...

i wish engineering were a piece of cake..

Anticipating the monsoon…

I’ve had enough of this heat and sun, dry and coarse winds, enough of this scorching summer now. I’m waiting for monsoon.

 I’m craving for the raindrops to fall from above and hit the grounds. I’m longing for the smell of earth after it has rained. I’m anticipating the chill and moisture that fills the air during monsoon. I’m yearning to see every inch of soil covered with greenery. The longing has become intense now that monsoon is just three days away (according to newspaper reports). I miss the dripping sound of water on the windowsill of my bedroom and having a steamy cup of tea, sitting there while it rained, remembering the finest moments of my life or reading my favorite novels against the background sound of splashing water and thundering clouds.  

 I just hope monsoon will be here soon.

-ANKITA

Amateur art

i was getting bored so i did a bit of artful doodling!

the road to college....

I know that the road to college is not so straight and simple, it has it's own twist and turns. But i was just wondering about this single loop in the path that we all come across. All of us has the choice to enter it, some of us do and some of us don't. I was just wondering whether it makes a difference to life ahead or not, and if yes, how much?

click to view full image