Y'all need to watch this

Its one of the best video i came across recently. I am yet to find better content on relationship with father for our generation Indians.

Stand up comedian Zakir Khan's 'Papa please preach more' (Watch it here!)
It is the best because all the emotions are so true to the core and so relatable, it hits home like WHAM.

I've had my own share of issues with my father while growing up. We don't understand life at that point. But when we grow up and experience life at close quarters, we begin to understand our parents more. Small things they did/do suddenly seem to carry the significance the weight of the world.
 My Parents have never failed to fill me with positivity during my good and not so good phases of my life. I owe so much to them.

Also, you can check out Zakir's another video 'Construction of a joke'. It addresses issues about self image. Very helpful stuff.

I don't necessarily like all of his jokes but he's definitely got a unique style. Plus he is from Indore so he's a homeboy :)

Street food addiction

Since childhood, i have survived various sort of addictions. Video game addiction, TV addiction, i'm still an exhaustive book reader (never grew out of that one), online shopping addiction, korean drama addiction and the latest one, which i hadn't even realized: Street food.

At first it was just a necessity. i mean, who wants to cook dinner after a long, hard day at work? and when there are so many options around...
So, fixing dinner in the kitchen became an occasional event. But eventually when health and weight started taking its toll, i made a resolution to have home made, healthy food only. No eating out.

That didn't last. And thats when i came to know that i did not like to have dinners at home at all. I have come to love the extra oil and masala that only street vendors can provide.  I need my fix every 2 days. Sometimes daily. By now, i don't even want to get rid of comfort food. Drawback being it burns a hole in the pocket. 

Commitment

Today, my parents celebrate their 36th marriage anniversary.

I reminded them yesterday, they are the kinds to forget an anniversary. They smiled for sometime and then went back to their work. Milestones maybe, don't mean much to them.

The key to being together for so many years is that they take each day as it comes. My father is right now completely on bed and my mother has to take care of his basic chores. It wouldn't have been possible if not for my mum.

They've held out for so long, hand in hand, during ups and downs, it is amazing. And of course, if you'll ask them its only normal.

36 years, a couple must have seen everything in this span of time. They've bought up three kids; seen them through their education and employed, seen the marriage of one, birth of a grandson, numerous challenges of life in between. God bless them both.

WUT

Where do we actually find happiness? In work? At home? Among friends? In money?

I've tried every option above and i did not find happiness anywhere.

I've had the notion that i would find happiness only in success. But what is success? To achieve a milestone. To be happy.

It is a weird circle. We are not successful until we are happy, and we are not happy until we are successful.

Instant Achar!!

Shortage of time and need for better can make you stumble upon best of the things on earth.

These past few days after i've resolved to cook dinners at home and out of respect for my body not just munch and gulp the street food i love so much, as  dinner.

And so starts the journey of whipping up something nice almost every evening with my awesome roomies, and since we are from diverse regional backgrounds, i get to discover wonderful recipes like this one:

WHAT YOU NEED:

25

No, this isn't an appreciation post for Adele's new album (which it totally deserves, i love that ish but that stuff is for some other time).

This is for when you turn 25 and look back to what your life has been, what changed you and made you.....

I'm not a fan of looking back at life. it gets you reminiscing, pining for the old times. In Dumbledore's words

Nostalgia is a rich emotion but a useless one when life has other pressing needs.

But 25 years being considered an important milestone, you gotta look back objectively in order to learn from your mistakes. That time is almost over where you had the liberty to make as mistakes you wanted to, take as many risks as you wanted to. in other words, at this point you feel like:

Manache Ganapati of Pune

5 'Manache' ganapati mandals are part of Ganeshotsav tradition started by Bal Gangadhar Tilak to bring society together as a whole.

On friday, me and friends visited these pandals amidst pious people packed streets to offer our prayers.

It was the last day of 10 day ganpati fest and streets were blocked for vehicles and volunteers were in place to manage the human traffic that has poured itself out to get 'darshan' of Lord Ganesha.

1. Kasaba Ganapati

We made our way to the first Ganapati of honor.

life and times and blah

Almost half of 2015 has gone already, god knows where i've been! oh yeah, in my cubicle on weekdays and lazing around or shopping on weekends.

it's like being in a time capsule that has taken me to a future date making me fatter and older in the process.

Honestly, growing up sucks.  All my life my decisions were taken for me by my parents. Even in college i let them do that not knowing that i can actually take charge of my life and whatever happens is going to affect me in the end.

And now that i know, through living independently for around a year and a half that now my life is my responsibility, decision making has become even more difficult.

And for a person like me, who's had a bout of anxiety before, this loop of 'what-if's is a whirlpool madness best avoided.

So what do i do?

solution 1: put your problems in a bundle and put it away to deal with it later at the back of your mind. then ignore it until it goes away.

solution 2: Acknowledge everything, try your best to take care of things (this involves dealing with people). Solves the problem but at the end of the day i feel pathetic. (Because people can disappoint you too).

solution 3: the best way. i'm yet to think of it though.

And this year i'm also way behind my reading.... Seriously, where is all the time in the world going?!

Woes of online shopping

it's too easy and its too convenient. that's it. that's the biggest woe of online shopping.
one doesn't even realise when and how why and ends up spending thousands in it.
i had always thought of myself as being the 'in-control' sort of person where matters of spending were concerned. but i've had a few guilty splurges and i think soon i'll have to change the description as:
'hi, i'm Ankita Gour and i'm a shopaholic.'

 no, its terrible. i cant let it happen.

strict times need strict measures. i'm not even going to look anyplace that mentions a discount. discounts are the worst traps.
Also, i'm going to make a list of the things i NEED, and not look over to anything else no matter how much discount it is on.

Weekend appreciation post

Never do we realize the importance and value of weekends until we start working 9 to 6 ourselves. and never do we miss the weekends as much as we do on a weeknight. when after a tiring (and most probably irritating) day at work we come home to get rid of the heaviness in our heads, to relax and forget the deadlines to be chased, challenges to be met, only for a few hours so that we could get a peaceful night's sleep.

Today i fell asleep on the bus on my way back from work. i was the last one to get off, one stop farther away from mine so i had to walk back. While i was walking i could only think of two things - how thirsty i was (i'd forgotten my water bottle at the office too) and how desperate i was to fall into the comforts of my bed.
Fall into my bed i did, closed my eyes and wished for the world to stop still for a moment. When i finally mustered the energy to get up i realized that the moment had lasted for half and hour and the world hadn't stopped at all.
After i got myself fed and watered and all, i took up my usual - caught up on my reading, surfing the web for interesting articles and just when i was getting into real mood (y'know.. music blasting in my earphones and looking up book reviews to add more books on my shelf when i'm already behind in my to-read pile, and snacking on various sorts of unhealthy salty snacks etc), a voice in the back of my mind was going on and on about if i don't go to sleep right now - i'll be late to work in the morning and again i'll sleep on the bus on my way back. And then i knew i just had to make a post about how it sucks not to be a weekend how i miss the weekend. ALL THE TIME. EVERY WEEKNIGHT.

scattered

i've never written my diary in one place. pages of it, you'll find in my old unused notebooks, some entries in the papers i might have been using for rough work when i had the impulse to write. most of my entries are in my actual diary of course that i used to maintain when i had my PC but now since i'm all grown up and working, living away from home and being independent etc i make do with my pen-and-paper-in-flesh diary in which i sometimes i stick cards, make doodles, keep my to-do lists, sometimes my bills too. and then there are the rare records of my thoughts - written, stashed away somewhere and then forgotten only to be found when i'm least expecting them. like the unpublished posts on this blog or the posts tagged 'private' that can only be seen by me. when i read them, it's like a breeze of nostalgia swept on my phase. its a funny feeling when you have your thoughts so solidly staring down at you from a page. like yeah, at some point they existed. and i always read them and in my head can't help telling my past self that it all works out in the end, that the worrying was in vain, that i should take it easy and enjoy every moment. and i wonder how i have eased out of it and have new circumstances and set of challenges and the way i feel about them... like my entire way of thinking has evolved. 

Using bloggeroid for the first time

Let's see how this goes. Lack of a system has lead to this. And I am missing the tap of keyboard :/

^sample image for testing

New year, new opportunities

i've been MIA for a while. a long while.
there are some things you can't just avoid. like growing up, graduating and then leaving home. i haven't really felt like blogging since i moved out and also because i wasn't able to access blogger too.
so a lot has happened. i spent a few months in bangalore drifting in and out of good days when i was all hopeful and optimistic and bad days when i was anxious about the future. And now i have a job and i'm in pune on my own totally independent and not enjoying it as i had thought at one point i would.
still, with each passing day i'm moving on.. i don't know where but life is moving on. what how and where are the things i can survive without knowing.
So, Happy new year, i hope everyone has a great year ahead and get all the things wished for :)

Guilt and stuff

Endings. There's a thing or two about endings that i'd like to share. Endings are not always about closure. Things are left unsaid and people who meant a lot are left without goodbyes. Things you owed people but never gave, and vice a versa. Like a thread unexpectedly broken.
Even though you'd known all along about this, even though it was meant to happen, even though you'd had moments wishing for this moment. it's finally here and its leaving your throat constricted, melancholy and with a sense of loss. It's the parting where we wished for things to have gone differently. The feeling when you finish a book and long to re-write the whole thing.
Missing all those moments that could have been but didn't happen.
When something ends, it's also paving the way for a new beginning. A blank future staring right ahead, like a blank diary you hold in your hands realizing that you'll have to live what's already written in invisible ink; decided by someone else. Some blanks you fill in, some plot twists you're gonna have to work around.
 But why look ahead until you absolutely have to? Why not take pain and pleasure cocktail in looking at the past that is rapidly dissolving around?
why not be drunk in past?

A Fresh Start

confession: i am not very good at completing goals. But that doesn't keep me from setting them anyway.

my daily goals: to get myself into a structured routine of getting up on time, eating healthy, spend a scheduled amount of time on computer and going to bed on time.
my monthly goals: to  read a certain number of books and catch up on my studies.
my yearly goals: that is kinda secret ;)

so, despite the fact that i didn't complete most of the goals set by me, i'm willing to make fresh starts (what else is new year's eve for!). maybe, sometimes i ask too much of myself. but the catch is that i get to outdo myself everytime :)

Last post of 2012

The year is closing to an end. It did not go as had thought it would. Time never fails to surprise. I had hoped certain things to go better, which they didn’t and what I hadn’t expected were the few moments of bliss.  I’ll try harder not to expect much from 2013.
As at the end of every year, i reflect back to the last 12 months and things i learnt about myself, people, world, life.

•  The moments we cherish later in life are mostly those that had taken us by surprise.
• In order to find happiness I’ve learnt that we need to be away from things that make us unhappy. Like certain people, certain expectations.
•  Another thing I learnt is to always be thankful for what we have got, even the smallest of things. You just can’t expect everything to be just the way it has always been. Life comes with changes and without any instruction manual to keep up with it. So what we have today might not remain one day. Cherish it.
• Do not judge yourself from anyone else’s eyes. You are the best judge of yourself. Do not beat yourself over with what somebody else thinks of you. People lead imperfect lives themselves and often their views are distorted, especially of introverts like me. Look for inspiration everywhere and you’ll find nice people too.
• Mind control – nothing is impossible if you have control over your mind your thoughts. Your life comes into your own hands and you feel the presence of god inside and around yourself.
• The most dangerous opponent in life is fear.
• Never let go of hope. Even in the worst of times.

Locked out

I know many a people who faced incidents like being locked out of the house or leaving keys in the car etc. i know that feeling. it's maddening. Once, i locked my keys by mistake in my scooty. i had whacked my head several times on that occasion. But even then i had a solution at hand: my backup key at home!

Now the situation i'm facing is ridiculous and sapping-my-spirits kind of despairing. i am somehow locked out of my social networks.

i've been able to access gmail and this blog after a lot of hardwork and brain wracking. but facebook, twitter, tumblr: i just can't access the sites that are the reason for me to use internet. With final exams at hand i can't even give time to the problem. And yeah, exams pose a whole different problem together. I used to think Optical fiber communications was an easy subject. what a fool i was. 

I have so many problems AND I CAN'T EVEN RANT ABOUT IT ON TWITTER!!!

i should go lie down now.

Heist Society

Heist Society by Ally Carter
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

i'm so glad i read this. i crave for thrillers like these. reading it was like savoring an expertly made dish in which no spice, no ingredient was either too much or slightly lacking but in perfect measure for a great taste. even though i'm going through crappy days, this one gave me enough distraction from the real world to survive.


View all my reviews

General update

i feel bad every time i go over a month without updating the blog. October; what a month is was! not at all what i expected (and NOT in a good way). there were largely moments of moroseness, reflections, and  occasional panic attacks thrown in to make my life more miserable than it usually is.
so, these are the updates (i've tried to think of as many happy ones as possible).

• I finally finished reading 'Atlas Shrugged'. Boy, that John Galt speech was long! The characters, the system, and the world portrayed in the seems to resemble the real world so closely that it's almost depressing.
• I read 'Metroland' by Julian Barnes in three days! it was a smooth read. A frank, amusing, philosophical and entertaining narrative that helped lighten my spirits. i'm glad books like this exist to make me feel better. 

AAL IZ WELL

image source: eastwestdaily.com

Sometimes we worry too much and unnecessarily. Little bit of worrying is okay and natural, even helpful. It pushes us into action, to do something and take charge of the situation. The problem comes when you start worrying about things you can do nothing about. What i found out while i was dealing with my anxiety issues is that anxiety is nothing but an extreme form of dwelling too much on the future and not living the present moment. We need to understand that we cannot take care of everything beforehand. We can shape only some things in future and some things are out of our control, maybe just bound to happen and we have to take it as it comes. Planning is a great thing but EVERYTHING cannot be planned. Surprising, unsuspecting bitter-sweet moments is what life is all about.
While we deal with our everyday struggle and stress, it doesn't hurt at all to appreciate and enjoy small things in life. Like bright and cool early mornings, dew on leaves, washed out scene after a rain, smell of popcorn before a movie, a favourite shade of nail polish, light conversations with friends, a good hearty meal. Happiness truly lives in moments and we need to catch these moments before they pass if we want to be happy. Carpe diem: seize the day! Because essentially we are SUPPOSED to be happy.    
God has put life into us, we can feel, we can marvel at the miracle that is life, at what is out there to see. Who knows what we're missing out when we're cobbled up in our cubbyholes crying about petty issues?
Good things happen and sometimes bad things happen too. But they happen to those who have the nerve to go out there and try stuff. LIFE happens to those who don't keep hiding in their room but face their fears.

Ultimately you've got to go out there and live or die.

Are you ready to embrace life?

i know i am :)